Once Upon A Time…

… And by that I mean yesterday, I was waiting for a guy to text me.

It’s the first time in a good while that I’m excited about a guy texting me… almost too excited. And then he didn’t.

Facts: 

• He has a grown up job that is actually physically strenuous and I knew him to be working late yesterday.
• He’s also a grown man with a life and we’ve known each other for a total of three days.
• In the real world it is TOTALLY normal for people who have just met (or have even know one another a good length of time) not to talk every single day.
• My understanding of the last point is a bit warped.

And here’s why…

I am a person who, through no merit of my own entirely, has managed to have very long-lasting relationships. I don’t mean romantic relationships specifically, just relationships in general. I still have good connections and even some very close relationships with people I have known my entire life. I’m serious, we were in diapers together and we still each other on an above average regular basis. I also have the type of relationship with my siblings that some of us see each other almost everyday, and those of us who don’t we talk pretty often. One of my best friends, who is not a since-we-were-in-diapers friend is still a 15+ year friendship. That’s pretty significant as friendships go.

I’m quite used to knowing people around me well and being well known myself. That sentence makes me sound like I should have paparazzi, but I don’t.

Trust me, there are many good things about having the kind of relationships where you can trust that you are being understood, and you know that you don’t have to divulge your past because your friends were a part of it, they were there. It’s also nice to have people you see all of the time, nothing inherently wrong with that.

However, it does present its own set of challenges when it comes to dating, I have found. The “getting to know you” phase has always been something I’ve heard people talk about fondly, they think it’s fun and exciting, but I have often found it tedious and uncomfortable.

I am out of practice letting someone get to know me. I’m also out of practice getting to know other people as well.

I have to work at remember to ask the right questions and being open to answer the questions another person asks and not feeling hostile towards the process because it feels a little scary letting a relative strange into my world. I’m not saying that it isn’t fun work when I get into, just that I have to remember it’s work I have to do because of the life and relationships I’ve had. Once I take a deep breath and choose to relax about it, it’s kind of nice having someone not predicting what I am about to do because they know what I always do. It’s also a pleasant experience having someone not know thirty-three year old me through the lens of ten, eighteen, and twenty-five year old me.

I also have to remember that not talking to someone for a day or even two or three when I’ve only just met them doesn’t necessarily have any bearings on whether or not they are attracted to me. In fact, it’s probably perfectly ok for everyone else I know too.

If you even date Katie Brown I apologize in advance… you may blame Facebook if you’d like, that seems to be the thing to do these days.

Until next time I’ll be waiting p a t i e n t l y (or at least trying to) for texts.

x0KB